All the while though, I was experiencing a deep sense of loss. After the first year of being away from my business, I became anxious, depressed and began mourning all that once was. I no longer had a team, a stage or an identity outside my roles at home. I went to bed every night wondering how I would ever re-enter again and many of those nights were spent in tears as I cried myself to sleep. I was fixated on how different the playing field had become and
I could no longer see where I fit in when momentum wasn’t there to guide me. The more I tried to figure out who I was in the world, the more frustrated and fearful I became.
Can I really do this again? I questioned my worth, my skills, my wisdom, and my ability, and every time I would begin to take steps towards figuring what reinvention actually looked like, I would find ways to revert back to staying small again. It was safe there. I couldn’t escape feeling like I was an imposter and the conversation in my head went something like this…
“Who am I to coach leaders and entrepreneurs and teach business, branding, and monetizing - I’m just a stay at home mom who posts pretty food pictures?”
Despite the decades of doing such work, it somehow didn’t feel like it even mattered anymore.